Look Sweetheart: Feeling Stuck Is What Makes You Grow

I have something I need to get off my chest. I know I’m a coach and I’m supposed to be enlightened and understanding and stuff, but every time somebody says to me, “Ugh. I’m so stuck. I don’t know what to do, but I just hate this feeling.” I want to shake them by the lapels and drag them up close until our noses are touching and hiss, with little yanks for emphasis:

THAT.  *shake shake* Is the fucking. *shake shake* POINT

[That’s tough love, right?]

Anyway. Look, human beings are such that when they feel comfortable, they are completely unmotivated. Well, that’s not true. They’re actually VERY motivated by the thought of losing that comfort. But you will note that they generally don’t risk actual DISCOMFORT to do so. At least not new discomfort. Paradoxically, people will often accept heaps of discomfort, as long as it is MORE OF THE SAME DISCOMFORT they’re used to.

[Am I ranting? It feels like I’m ranting. Oh well.]

But anyway. Humans, being human, LOVE comfort and routine. And if they can’t have both they’ll take routine, because it gives them a false sense of control.

All this adds up to the fact that “feeling stuck” is nature forcing you to feel uncomfortable enough that you will abandon the security blanket of routine and make some damn changes.

So when you tell me feeling stuck is uncomfortable, I pretty much have to laugh. It’s not uncomfortable enough yet, or in spite of your protests that you don’t know what to do, you would start making changes out of pure desperation just to make the discomfort stop.

And might I add that, just like your mother harping at you to clean your room, life is way more fun and adventurous if you don’t wait until your life is such pure hell that you have to make changes. I mean, the more you have to lose, the more you’ll wait to be sure until you pull the trigger, but it’s worth being aware that you’re biased for the status quo, so you don’t wait until the pot is about to boil before you hop out.

[ssbp]

8 thoughts on “Look Sweetheart: Feeling Stuck Is What Makes You Grow”

  1. So how does one do a better job next time of recognizing the signs of impending stuck-i-tude? You can’t just go around arbitrarily changing things out of fear of getting stuck either… Comfort is comfortable until it’s not… Or are you just saying the stuck is for a reason and unavoidable unless you want to live a life that looks somewhat like Groundhog Day so suck it up?

    1. Yeah, stuck is unavoidable. But you can be pretty proactive about it (You are an HSP right? I am reading HSP in Love right now and I’m learning a lot) So, apparently HSPs have an extra helping of the “pause and reflect” instincts which is really useful in some situations and a huge hindrance in others. This often leads to them being stuck for longer (but I would argue that since they’re actively reflecting on their stuckness, they’re probably being more proactive about it than most). And I would also point out that switching things up randomly to avoid feeling stuck is a perfectly valid world-view.

      People tend to pathologize “being stuck” as an avoidance technique so they don’t have to do anything about it; they’re looking for a magic bullet that gets them out of feeling uncomfortable — — but not have to change, either. So basically, yeah. Suck it up. 
  2. … and, yes, you’re ranting ~ that’s because what you’re saying is so fucking TRUE, and so many people Just Don’t Get It!  Rants are generated by “What i KNOW, and you (seem to) REFUSE to see” … (a gross generalization, there, I admit, but – a new realization, thus both ‘top of mind’ and ‘very tender’. See my previous fixations on “permission” and “forgiving yourself” LOL )

    1. In my view, you can ‘refuse to see it’ for a very long time. It can be a long process to see your way through to change. But I canNOT let you whine about it in my presence, especially when you use words like “stuck,” indicating that you know the problem is within you, you’re just looking for a way to avoid being accountable.

      1. Yep! I’ve actually let people go out of my life because all they would
        do is ‘whine about it’, but not even look for what they might change… I’ve also been the one “refusing to see” for a very long time!

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