Many of my clients are self-employed, or at least working towards that goal. Although most people can probably benefit from the services of a life coach, the self-employed are a peculiar problem– their businesses almost always reflect the issues that they themselves grapple with.
Not only is their business’s health a sort of bellwether of their mental and emotional health, their business is often a proxy by which they can tackle the limiting beliefs that affect them in every facet of life.
Their business, in essence, is their golem. You can dress it up, make it do whatever you want it to do, you can even pretend to yourself it has a life outside of what you yourself give it, but it’s still going to manifest whatever flaws you baked in.
So let’s talk about what issues can manifest in your biz:
This, actually, is one of the easiest issues to tackle, because for most people, being successful in their business almost automatically correlates into increased confidence elsewhere. If you’ve already started the business, the issue is almost certainly cosmetic — you think you lack confidence (more likely you just wish you felt more certain about things) and you just haven’t got the experience yet to feel certain that this feeling of uncertainty never goes away, you just develop a tolerance for it.
If you haven’t started your business yet, starting it is almost precisely like practicing approaching women, or whatever else you fear. You’ll probably fail a few times, but that’s what will teach you that failure’s not actually that bad. It’s like tripping over a curb– your pride is hurt more than anything else.
I wish we could go back to mandatory home economics class. The last 70 years of consumerism have create generations of people who have no conception of the idea that your household and personal finances should be run with the same oversight and attention to detail that a business is. Instead, society has systematically encouraged people to buy whatever they feel like they can afford, and extended cheap credit so that people don’t feel too limited by what’s actually in their bank account.
But whatever bad habits that cheap credit and a steady job have helped you pick up, you’ll soon learn better when you have a business. Cash flow? What’s that? Don’t worry, you’ll find out. Business owners learn to delay gratification, become intensely averse to spending money they don’t have yet, and they discover just how many incidents of Murphy’s law they want to keep cash on hand to cover.
Modern life insulates consumers from all but the worst consequences of their actions. A business won’t allow you to avoid them, so you’ll learn, and learn fast.
Nobody’s born knowing the market value of their strength and skillsets or with the ability to graceful demand fair compensation for same. Women especially are prone to diminish their value. This isn’t just an issue in business or the workplace– very often its an issue in our personal lives as well, this inability to take up space, and unapologetically ask for what you want. This is an issue you can work from both angles, and probably should, because they don’t transfer so readily as confidence issues. But for many people, asking for what you want in a business setting is actually lower risk than asking for it in personal relationships.
Do you not always do what you say you will? Are you often late for meetings and deadlines? Do you tell people what you think they want to hear? Do you shirk responsibility? Do you go along to get along? Do you bend the rules just a tad too far sometimes? All these issues and more are thrown into sharp relief when you are in business, and if you don’t get a handle on them, your business won’t last long. But once you do address them, the effort will pay dividends in every relationship in your life.
This culture has space for people who aren’t sure who they are or what their purpose is. Life goes on; as long as they keep coming to work and pay their bills on time, no one cares what kind of angst you’re struggling with.
It’s kind of like having a child– it doesn’t matter how out of your depth you feel, or whether you really want to be there or not: Someone has to be in charge, and that person is you. And counter-intuitively, that kind of pressure is very galvanizing. You don’t have time to waffle. You only have time to do. You’re operating largely on instinct, and that’s not the worst way to manage things (although eventually it will need to be backed up with systems and processes). A business, however, is fairly intolerant of these problems. It needs your focus, and your vision for what it can become, and your awareness of your strengths and weaknesses so that you know where and when to seek help.
The best part about having your own business is that it can grow and change as you do, or you can start a new one. There are plenty of ways to manage a changing vision or understanding. Although it feels like it sometimes, your business is not you. It’s a proxy, not your clone.